I further demanded that Ramona meet me at the Radisson hotel in Belize City on the coming Saturday to talk face to face and settle the matter in a physical manner, rather than as so much of our romance so far had been, specifically in aire and epistolary smoke and mirrors…it was the act of a desperate man desperately chasing his 20 year old tropical exotic beauty fantasy in the real world of dirty streets and sweet clean technology…she responded a day later in English and it went something like this:
LOOK MICHAEL FIRST I CANT UNDERSTAND ALL BECAUSE IS TOO MUCH ENGLISH FOR ME…2 (and it was in all caps to show her ANGER) LOOK I AM VERY SAD FOR THAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME…I THOUGHT YOU HAD A RELATION BUT DEFINITELY NOT LIKE THIS YOU ARE TOO MUCH AND CONFUSING AND I AM ALSO. YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS IS EASY TO SAY I AM GOING ON SATURDAY AND TO SEE YOU. YOU ARE CRAZY OR WHAT? YOU BELIEVE THAT I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS OR A HEART??? LOOK BELOVED I AM VERY SAD AND MUCH LESS NOW AND YOU WERE WITH HER YOU ALSO SESCRIBE IT TO ME THE LESS I LEAVE YOUR SIDE BUT FOR THE OTHER? YOU TRICKED ME BY TELLING ME MANY THINGS AND ALL ARE SILLY LIES REALLY I AM UNABLE TO CONFINE IN YOU MORE…BESIDES YOU STAYED WITH THIS CHICK MUJERCITA YOU OVER THERE SLEEP WITH HER IS BECAUSE YOU LIKE HER IS YOU FUCKING PROBLEM…AHH AND THANKS FOR THE INTENTION TO SEE ME BUT I AM NOT ALBE TO SEE YOU. THE FACE NOW IS VERY SAD. I HAVE IN MY HEAD AND STOMACH A COCKTAIL OF BITTERNESS AND LIES…I FEEL MUCH FOR YOU MICHAEL BUT I AM VERY SAD THANKS TO YOU…OK YOU ENTERTAIN YOURSELF BETTER THE LAST WEEK IN SAN PEDRO AND FOLLOW FISHING WOMEN…YOU KNOW HOW I AM WHEN I AM SAD…
And that was it…it was the goddamn poems, an honest Latin explosion, temperamental, tough and rapid-fire…it hit me like a Bombay fornicator, right in the heart gut, right in the square I…and I was unable to deny the truth of it or unwilling to lie to myself, these wonderful things I had planted…black seeds, black soil, black dawn…growing the black urge to blackalate, to blink black, to ball black…there is dark and there is black…I had both/I had one and the other, close the eyes dark, open black, mind black, fantasy black, skin on black, masturbate black, dip the clutch, the songster that is blackbird, black Michael, after coal fatigue, black as a cunt, dark and stormy, ham darky cox, night shift, ‘we would darken him’, dark as the inside of a cow…all pitch and wail…get the dark, dark as a pocket, cop a dark ‘un…INK, yes, like INK, inky southern Californai darkness…blackness….it would be some time…it would take some air…it would require terrible patience…but I would put things black together as best I could…
- Michael Price
